I'm a little nervous because I'm going into the army in less than two weeks time.

I'm a little sad because I'm almost glad to be in there.

Are there so little things to look forward to outside?

Aren't there so many things for you love and experience outside?

Are you living too callously or is it a case of not treasuring what you have?

They say the army will change you,

fuck you up and screw your thinking.

Drive you mad from your longing of home and everything you hold dear.

However, some learn humility,

accepted the importance of teamwork,

gained perseverance and cultivated self-discipline.

Values which could be applied anywhere when they come out.

So what exactly do they do there?

I'm excited because of the possibilities.

Maybe this is an oversimplified version of what to expect

and an immature, narrow-minded way of thinking.


I pray, for the courage to step confidently into the unknown.

I pray, for the strength to love myself and the people around me more.

I pray that it's not only in these long, cold and confusing nights that I think of you

and cry out for you.

Amen

and oh god, it's morning...


Every time I puff my heart up and resolve to change for the better, I give up halfway.

Regarding Family - There is always this invisible gap among us that we are not able to break.

There is care but lesser communications which result in silences, quarrels and misunderstandings.

Regarding Friends - Sometimes I feel very two-faced and insincere.

I often get to hear great experiences and listen to different stories.

Many a time I want to share too but I don't really have anything interesting

so I talk cock or shoot my mouth off. More often than not I tend to be very sarcastic and hurt the very people I love.

Regarding Health & Wellness - I'm in a mess.

Well I'm not the best owner around and I often abuse my body like now, not sleeping.

Regarding Money & Power - They are scary, the lesser I have, the better I am.

I have proven on many occasions that I am not mature enough to handle them properly, either I mismanage or overuse.

I guess I will get better in time but right now the "prices" are more than what I'm willing to pay so I am happy with what I have.

Regarding Knowledge - The more I learn, the lesser I seem to know.

I crave for knowledge but I have a problem.

The moment I know or I think I know enough, I get satisfied and lose interest.

Maybe that's why I am so shallow and superficial. This is a problem I have to address urgently ha ha.

Whoa, I have written quite a bit, maybe it's the music.

光良's music is so simple yet so heartwarming.

It makes you want to go out and fall in love.

ah, it's time to sleep...